*sigh....

I'm officially upset...

its that I'm being left out or am i being an inch closer to being Marie Antoinette's feeling of indifference..

when did it all begin?.. yesterday? last week? a month ago? the year before?...

and who started it all?.. me.. or them?...


its as if I'm being left out for nothing. .. by the way 2 friends left me out for a case of boOze...
can i be not pathetic enough..

or should i replace them with new ones?....

shiny, sparkling new friends in lieu of the old, dusty and ragged friends i had,,..

i don't want to be all Miranda priestly and be mean ,,.. its not me. I'm not a devil i most certainly cant afford prada.

makes the saying true enough "with friends like these?... who needs enemies".

money makes the world go round...

a funny though crossed my mind while being ushered in by a flamboyant neighbor of mine the other night...

"sus dae ayaw jud pah hikog kung madato ka.. "

sounds absurd pero it made sense for the most part.. sure money changes everything.. but wait.. why do rich people die with all that drama...

it could be as blair waldorf said in an episode of gossip girl that who ever said that money can't buy you everything must be shopping in the wrong store. sad but true... if u had that much money u'll never run out of ideas how tho spend it. unless its your funeral that is...

but what is money after all... its just a piece of paper with squiggles on it..

pero masilaw jud ka maski sagatos ra... hardyharhar...

and p.s. it might seem suicidal but im not... still have a life ahead of me...

apee beerday glue

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

as i jumped in the pool canon ball style.

although it was fun doing 'em lapses in the pool care of our trainer anin and our extra student jazz it went good.

trying to be an olympic swimmer that i'm not. a decision that i'm regretting as im jottting down this blog. (sakiiiiitaaa ako lawas! leche!)

by the way were POOL-ing around cause we were celebrating in a very late sense glue's birthday. yes she wants to spell her name that way.

"nganong glorimae gani to imo name glue" i would fondly ask.

she would give me a sore smirk and say "na.. mama ay.. glorious mystery of may daw"
hehehe..

we all went home at 12 midnight. without some boOze...

huhuhu...

mu body misses alcohol so much. i don't even know how it tastes like na,,... huhuh

a friend issue

i recieved a sms from not-so-distant-pero-distant na rin nga friend. asking help regarding some school work apparently. try as i might im feeling a little indifferent towards him.. why?... a series of unfriendly FRIEND issues had happened before.

way before...

or that i feel like i as a friend is now being replace by a bottle of stallion, which to me is sort of unfair (if it were to be a bottle of champagne, we can absolutely negotiate)

it is often said that leave something for your friend, not leave your friend for something.

but what do comes between friendship?.. was it the times when you were just friends or when the time has passed and made you FRIENEMIES??....


my..my..my...

and the question is....

ever been asked the question... drum roll please... :

"if you were to be born again would you rather be gay again?..."

argh... funny but true.. sa 21 years nako sa pagka bayot the question woul pop everytime. and whenever it is asked it turns into a miss universe final question moment where all eyes are on you and you alone. they try to analyze that if you like the feeling of being gay now you would like to have a season 2 of it... murag reality show?..diba..

sounds weird pero i guess i don't, i mean its fun to be gay pero growing up was full of taunting and of course uncertainty. what i mean to say is the constant teasing in the playgrounds with you in the middle kung asa ka mulaban? if sa girls ba or sa boys. the hiding from your family. all homo's can relate to me. but growing as a gay person in my family isn't that easy. the only one queer among a broOd of 3, again.. it was not easy. seaman pa ako papa. sort of, kinda, parang lisod ipagawas imo tinoOd nga gibati

pero infairness i was never an abused child (thank heavens). well infairness wala ko gi priso ug cabinet or cr, gi sulod ug sako then gipa-asohan or even worse ipa exorcism to drive away the demon that has taken over my body. ang ako d makalimtan kai as i was playing chinese garter (sort of flexible man ko, then i could do high jumps.. heheh divaaH!) gibitad ako dunggan sa ako mum and that was it,, nothing more.. kinda embarassing at that but as i think of it now it actually makes me laugh. i mean i am still close with my mum(ahemm... ako kahay tig ibot ug kilay niya ron). as for now they have already accepted me for what i am, "although we bicker and fight under it all hopefully is love and above it certainly is fabulousity" as verbalized pang kimora lee simmons.

the haunting

all these time i must have been either too busy looking for love, too busy avoiding love or worse love is busy and avoiding me. the thought is heartbreaking but being the hopeful romantic that i am i just brush it aside and laugh my heart out.

but during lonely nights when your friends are out and you're home alone and and as you lie awake in your bed at the middle of the night you suddenly think about someone hugging you and pushing the right buttons makes me frustratrated. yeah i know all about those people who often tell me that love will just come and all i need to do is wait. but how long will i wait>?.. sleeping beauty waited for how many years for her prince,.. hey i am not implying that I'm sleeping beauty, i don't even have fairy gOdmothers.. (heehaw although i wish i had..)..

but what if u think u found the ONE,.. u were too shy and to be rejected. well the feelings might be mutual but what the hell you still feel shy to tell anyway. until one day u felt that because you were too shy that person left because u weren't as responsive as he had thought you might be. but you still remember the days when HE used to come by your house have dinner with you and the days and nights you were together would lead up to your very first kiss,the many months of flirting would end up lost in ancient history, to be forgotten...

or so i think 4 years later HE suddenly bumps into you (and its not likely anywhere, its at work baby!)..feels weird but the memories flash back and suddenly the weird feeling of love suddenly starts to enter your system and whammo!! hits you like a deer on headlights... u suddenly feel the urge to be a little more reserved than the usual, starting to act to be demure and keeping your cool and let him do the chasing..

hehehehe..
yes.. it happened i don't know what to do... i like him but suddenly it feels like love is finally haunting me..