PA-ASA PAWNSHOP

the main reason i don't go out for dates is i cannot read signals.

is it just me or have i become jaded enough to the point that i cannot figure out pity from i want you to make the first move or i am sleepy from i am sleepy but i like what you're doing and if you keep it up you'll gonna get some lovin'... as in goosebumps inducing GOOOOOOOD LOVIN'

he asked me to come to his place.

and there it went. my mind out of the window.

but to my dismay i sat there. he asked if i wanted to watch something to which i replied anything he wanted, however what i really wanted to watch him undress, come to me and kiss me like there was no tomorrow.

but nOoOOooOOO!!!!

i just sat there, dropped like a hot tamale.

bummer.

so there i was, he slept next to me. hugging me in the process. it was a nice nook. felt like a carrie bradshaw on aidan shaw's arms. but still nothing.

so when th movie credits rolled i woke him up expecting a response in my favor. tough luck, nothing. and that was the final straw.


i told him i was leaving. he crawled back to his bed.

there you go. do i need more reasons?

- 999,999.99 -

i'm not pretty sure if my voice could be heard all over cyberspace. but hopefully a lot of you would take notice and take heed. a friend of mine is doing a special cause for his brother.

please visit www.facebook.com and search for -999,999.99- read through and show some support.


lets spread some love this season.

IMAGINE HOW FAR COULD YOUR PESO COULD GO.

ouch namien!

The prelude to my weekend has been a heart-breaking sudden turn of events. I have just found out that lonelyboy is seeing someone and that someone ain’t me.

Ouch, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Big time.

Maybe the stars were already aligned at one point in time and that my only MAJO! MAJOR! Mistake was not playing my cards right.

I spoke to Geng first about my predicament and true to the Michael Chitru Credo AKA Mr Geng fashion, he listened. Waited for me to throw all I can and after a sigh of relief from he would reply simple words that would reassure me that everything is going to be OK.

Then the plot continues, Roxy was at the office since Keith asked him to drop by due to my predicament, wherein unfortunately Keith and his big mouth blurted out some things that Roxy can connect the dots and see the bigger picture (I gave lonelyboy a smack on the lips the night prior, although I’m not sure if his partner could have clobbered me at that point but I was to hurt to care, not noticing Roxy had seen what I did). I was caught off guard when he confronted me.

So I asked them both, was there something I did? To which they had to agree on this I DID NOT MAKE HIM REALIZE THATI WAS, HEY! I’M HERE.. I LIKE YOU..GIVE ME A CHANCE; CAN YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME?

And I believe that was my Waterloo, as Mr Geng observed that I would act as if I had no intentions of loving him when we’d kid around every time at the office lobby. It’s just me sabotaging myself. Roxy told me that I could have acted aggressively but in an assertive manner, mala-RUBI daw kuno, but it’s far too late. And I have to live with it.

I can strike up conversations with strangers but definitely not with the one I like/love for that matter.

Now I have to act like one of the girls at the Miss Universe pageant smiling and clapping on stage while someone else is being crowned, wishing nothing but the best to the winner, waiting for the disappointment to sink in.

And P.S. I’m not crying at this point. I believe it’s pointless, wa mi ga-uyab so there.

grrr....

"IS TOTALLY NINGNING BECAUSE OF KUMARENG JOREGINA FERNANDEZ!",

those were the thoughts that spilled off my mouth with what happened a little while ago.

Floie could only giggle.

He/ she / or it cannot imagine the thought of me fuming mad yet totally helpless and could only utter a one liner at the presence of someone who rests at the catacombs of the greatest muscle of my body .

I know Chitru would have loved to see me act that way, pokerfaced yet already bracing my arms to strangle someone. after all he has been my confidante with all of these matters where he would just chuckle and gave a thought or two.


again GRRRRRRRRRRR............

was that my name?

im just scribbling my thoughts like a pre-pubescent girl, lost in the emotion.

HE SAID MY NAME.

my heart just went straight to my throat. gulp.

i had thought that i would soon get enough of him, or so i thought. im not nagging, im just LOST IN THE FEELING.

i wonder if he notices?... and thats another gulp if he does. im just afraid of rejection.
i keep my emotions hidden and it backfires and blows up in my face.
will he ever notice?


(photo c/o of photobucket)

shhh....

i don't really reveal matters of the heart unless you caught me off guard. but geng did. so hopefully the information that you have uncovered yourself remains with you ONLY!

You should listen to Kieth's comment's about him, you'd roll over laughing. AS IN, truly Keith is the Queen of evil badings!

And since its june 25th its actually lonelyboi's birthday so a shoutout to you!

and BTW you can visit geng at his site http://thecebulife.blogspot.com.

shading an elipses

I am not sure if I will be able to practice my right to vote. The thing is I have registered myself to be responsible enough to choose the next leader. However my ID has not been released since 2006, and I lost my claim stub. What am I to do now?.

Funny how art imitates life, Cos it seems like the political arena seems like an episode of Southpark (figure it out).

Just a thought.

So we hope for the next leaders to be kind enough, but are we waiting in vain and ask where have all the good leaders gone?

I am personally losing faith amidst the evils of politics.

a pill to forget you

I'm trying to avoid someone and a certain feeling right now. And in pure unadulterated circumstances or an unfortunate series of mishaps our ways have collided in more ways than one (we're office mates, duh!) As big as the office might be we never seem to run out of episodes in the hallways or at the smoking lounge. I know they seem unintentional but we gotta stop meeting like this.

Its funny that medicine has found a cure for almost..., ALMOST everything and science has invented anti-viral creams and antibiotic tablets/capsules/caplets what have you that seem to combat the ill corporal manifestations of these microorganisms. Well I do have a question how long will it for them to manufacture a pill to forget someone and move on? Or am I waiting in vain.

I was in Bantayan over the weekend. Soaking in the sun, having the best time, chilling by the beach and swimming of course, trying to forget him as i left the main land in my sojourn. But when the sun had already set, i was in my downtime the feelings all caught up.

And i was lost and confused... again.

the thing is the person I'm trying to forget sent me a message. weird. and who was i to deny a reply?

and here comes my perverted version of an ugly step sister coming into the scene trying to cause a fracas. When will she ever figure out the fact that I MAY BE FAT BUT I'M NOT AS UGLY AS HE IS... that's already inside and out.

an imaginary world and a porsche

how do u save you self from a would be relationship?

weird huh? when u feel like all the stars are in line, the stage is set and that you are already in your full metal regalia, then suddenly the other half vanishes into thin air and all your plans all turn into nothing but well... plans with no action taken.

and then suddenly it stings, more potent that of a bee's. all the paranoia, the "what if's" and all the "what should i do's"? crashed down on you as if it were a giant Christmas tree losing its balance while your underneath it grinning naughtily as you open gifts on boxing day.

have we failed to see the warning signs? perhaps there was but we were just too busy minding our own little make believe world where its just you and that person, nothing else and that your love can withstand anything (traffic and power blackouts included). the next thing we know the sting already formed a wheal with a burning sensation, warm to the touch and that much unsightly.

can we ever find our way out of this mindset,? is there no traffic police to get us out and tow our yet imaginary Porsche out from trouble?, and even worse no mighty mouse to save the day? or better yet a map to find one's own happiness.

-- a post valentines day entry. thankfully its not about myself.... err.. well 1/3 of it is.

a pageant for alternatives, ALL HAIL... BOW DOWN

Last night i watched in awe as 21 beautiful flipinos/filipinas paraded and sashayed to the rhythm that made their hips sway with much gusto.

It was a first.

On this island that has taken pride in coining itself the QUEEN city of the south, it is the perfect set up to search for its QUEEN.

It was a night where all Queens of their own rights dressed up to the nines to lend support to our sisters and trooped to the event. Well it was a bevvy, no wait a sea, oh no wait since the event was held at the Pacific Grand ballroom of the Waterfront Hotel lets say that a sea is a bit too small for a sea lets make it an ocean of soul sisters in all shapes and sizes and all forms imaginable for it was a night for the ladies who are gentlemen and gentlemen who are ladies as its theme suggests.

Everyone was on high spirits and when the lights went down and the music was on queue. The shrieks and the cheers grew louder and louder as one by one the delegates paraded on stage with their take on the national costumes of the nations they represent.

The night ended well and a lovely delegate was proclaimed the Queen of Cebu, Kudos to the Organizers, to Jude Bacalso who looked chic in her Cary Santiago Terno and to Vince Escario as well, they were just fabulous in hosting the show from start to finish. I'm looking forward to next years' Pageant.

(thanks to the queen of cebu facebook account for the photo)

a letdown

Yesterday I had the most mortifying feeling at work. No it was not a case of verbal vomit nor that my mouth had lead me to uncompromising situations that often lead me to a deadlock. It was that funny yet eerie feeling that you would like to run into a secluded place. Hide. And hopefully get out once everything had passed and hoped for the best that it was deleted in everybody's memories.

My deodorant had let me down.

I wanted to die then and there. I didn't have the capacity to raise my arms as confidently as I used to have. Good thing, Hopefully nobody noticed.

haay!

luck, luckier, luckiest?

I'm soaking up work like a dried up sponge in the midst of the Sahara. It feels like I haven't had time for myself or that I haven't had the time to put myself out in the market for someone to pick up, have a look or at least bring home for a trial period of two weeks. Its seemed like in a matter of 5 months I had become from a hopeful Charlotte York character to more of a cynical Miranda Hobbes.

I sometimes smile at people who seem to be truly, madly and deeply in love with one another, at times I quiver. I had a thought. Maybe the greatest love of all comes once in a lifetime if you're lucky, twice if you're luckier or that you tend to present yourself in such a manner that people would love to get to know you more, more than two bottles of beer or that you were aesthetically pleasing.

I'm just waiting for that certain person to sweep me off my feet on a whirlwind romance and wake the inner hopeful soul in me and turn my life for the better, or is that waiting doing me wrong. That's why I ask myself, "Will I ever become hopeful again"? or that I am not lucky enough for that request.

Without warning

I got a shock as I was chomping down crispy pata and gambas last night. I had that familiar yet unfamiliar feeling of waiting to hear something and that it does not turn out the way you wanted yet you are still holding on to a glimmer of hope that all of it is just a joke or a dream but no matter how hard you try to pinch yourself and no matter how many reality checks have been made its just there and no amount of denial will ever do the trick. It's just it needed to happen somehow, and it did. Unfortunately without warning.

I am still in the convalescent period of the whole event. The thing is I was not supposed to know about it up until Monday but I got my early edition and it felt surreal. I am still in the process of going back to the way things were before it happened. Just like how my body is reacting to the pata. And I know in a morbid kind of way that its going to feel like a phantom limb phenomenon, you feel like its there but hell no it ain't!!! And its never going to be that way.

Change is something that's gotta be good, but its too abrupt. But every thing changes. And I can't help but bitch about it every time it crosses my mind. I really need to shrug it off, make it work and go on avail by Monday though.

work, work, woes

Every time I log out from I always feel relieved, I dunno why. I always seem to have a love-hate relationship with my job. At times I bicker about the pay, the work that I am doing and in that point in time I find myself thankful, grateful even that I, even in the midst of an economic crisis is still earning something for a living. The talk of the town seems to be who can submit their resignations first and who can land a better job and a fatter pay cheque and at the rate and the amount of work we are doing on the floor right now it crosses our stressed out and fried brains as often as the weather is changing here in Cebu (which right now could change without batting an eylash).

Although to pay cheque seems promising. Its that I am that lazy to fall in line, start all over again. Its like the first day inside the Big Brother house and as for the bitches are concerned, retracting the claws would be a must.

And so last night err... earlier this morning I had the same talk with an office mate and had agreed on one thing. The only thing that's keeping us from resigning is the schedule. That's one good thing and as far I'm concerned I'm still enjoying the company of the people I am working with. And that's what matters most for me.

(thanks to the guys at photobucket for the photo!)

the man in the mirror

I know its inevitable, however it all came too soon, too soon in fact I just read the info on my friends' facebook account. And now even listening to Mr. Jackson's "Man in the mirror" brings shivers down my spine.

I may not be that big of a fan however growing up to his music makes me know him through the lyrics and melodies that he introduced to the world all over.

I remember getting a call from a customer who had problems with his broadband connections and pleaded that I make a way (meaning: move heaven and earth for that matter!~ ditto!) that I restore it in a flash 'cause he can't wait to read everything about Mr. Jackson and the 411 about his sudden death and that made me think, he made an impact to everyone (considering that my caller sounded like he was 5o++ y.o. over the phone)

And now the whole world mourns for his loss.

Mr. Jackson, you will be missed however your music would remain.

(photo courtesy of photobucket.com)

the only MAN.

to the man who i grew up with.

the one who accepted me for what I am, never dared to question what I have become.

the one who has nurtured my immaturity and opened my eyes to the harsh reality that making money is not an easy job but rather one that requires blood sweat and tears,.. and err a million complaining.

he who I look up to despite some of his crazy ways.

the one who taught me that life and love is sometimes unfair and as hard as a rock.



happy father's day dad.

HOPEFULL.....

Well, I gambled again. Walked up like a man and straight to a date. Needless to say I again pranced around town, trying to keep to conversation up and running and both ways working, All together while keeping my heart on my sleeve and trying to avoid one or two disasters because truth be told I am rather clumsy at times... err... almost every single day of my existence. I went out and thought to myself If I never get out and put myself in the market well I'd get stale and never be sold.

And at this time I was thinking of fairy tales and mixing them up like a summer cocktail and ask myself.

What if the king and queen had invited the evil witch at sleeping beauty's christening?... would she be in the losers table?... and if she was would she still put a curse on the princess?

If Snow white's evil step mother had gone to one of those cosmetic surgeons in Beverly hills or at least had one of her mistresses in waiting inject botox every fortnight, would she still want to kill snow white?...

I cringed and laugh to myself. I know I'm a little twisted. And lonely. And I Hope he could read my mind, it would ask him... : if you need to be loved, here I am. read my mind....


I hope he does. And I am wishing.

No, still hanging on that faint glimmer of hope.

(photo courtesy of photobucket.com)

my anima mundi

Its been a while. It has been, and i think its time to move on. I need a rehab, i need to unload all the excess baggage i have and start a new, not that i will be loading new ones but just taking everything in stride. i just want to run away from it all.

how hard is it to wake up with someone who treasures and likes you as you are, not minding the way you look when you wake up in the morning or the way you snore at night?... I mean that's not a herculean task at hand.

how hard can it be to find a soul mate?...

Or maybe I have met him and i just did not notice.

hahaay!...

Its been two weeks from my Bantayan trip and still I haven't jotted down an entry devoted to that trip. Haay! Time flies so fast. Wish I was still there. The beach, the sun not to mention the crowd (well it could be me all along, it could be their first time to see somebody pretty healthy wearing hot pants on a cool Saturday evening, tanned and all).

Anxious as I was because unfortunately it was my first trip to Bantayan. I was eager to end the shift, take the 1st bus to Hagnaya, pray that there will be enough sun for my tan, for the photo shoot that would last the entire trip (including the downtime and grammatically erroneous signboards c/o the watchful eyes of chitru credo) and for the trip via the barge back to the main island.

And here I am now. Home, bored, reminiscing about the whole trip, looking at the photos shot in that short duration of time. Wishing I had time and money to go back. Someday, I will and that time I'll be with somebody.... I'll leave it blank for now... My prince lost its way to me.. pweh!

hahaay!

tan, taran... TAN!!!!

Since I had a pretty boring summer last year, I decided to squeeze every bit of my summer this time. If in case you did not know last year I was spent my summer at home. Sleeping. Loser!... haha!

But now I am determined to make most of it. And I mean it. I know my life's a bore and I get excited easily so I decided to take the road not taken and had a blast in Badian (although we did not go to Kawasan, either nobody was interested in trekking or that we were just lazy and wanted booze for brunch). And as of right now I had just finished unpacking my stuff from my latest weekend getaway.

Since we were at the beach I wanted to have a tan, so i laid down on the beach getting all the sun i can and waited, waited, and waited however everybody was looking for me because we were already drinking at 9 in the morning so i got inside the cottage we were renting and gave in. So I thought that I could get some more after lunch--- I was wrong. Unfortunately the weather was not cooperating and I ended up drenched in the rain. boOhoO!

So to sum it all up i got tan but not that much. No worries because the week after next I'll be in Bantayan for more sun, fun and everything in between.

I'm still waiting for the photos to be uploaded.

hope y'all are enjoying your summer. And don't forget sunscreen!!!....Ü